Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
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The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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