sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
