I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
