life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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