gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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