MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
