No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize