I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
