I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
