Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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