Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
