my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize