I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
