Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
