My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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