thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I love you. Go after that dick
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
