Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
