i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
