she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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