He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
