if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize