Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
