We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
