I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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