its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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