he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
