Cold hands, warm shart.
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
