Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
