That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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