WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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