New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
