My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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