I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
