Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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