is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
