Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
