matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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