Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
