do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
