I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
