Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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