hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
