My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
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I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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