Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
