two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
