This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
