I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
