i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
