I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
