it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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