The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
