I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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