Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am one with the molecules
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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