i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
