Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
