Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
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And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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