Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
