what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
