Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
