Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Oh god it's open bar.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
