My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
