$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
