Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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