i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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