There is no way he is gay with that hair.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
