so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
