i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize