Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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