I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
