i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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