i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
