did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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