When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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