I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
