I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
