I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
