Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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