What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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