just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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