Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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