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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
