Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
